Preparing

Well, I went this weekend and got Sophia a recordable story book that will have my voice reading her a story when I am gone, and the older kids little things to keep close from me. It has all hit me that in just a couple weeks I will be leaving my babies and don't even know for how long. We are scrambling to put together Olivias birthday party early so I don't mess it up on her and I am watching my husband try to picture holding this all together on his own. No mom there to fix Olivias hair perfect for the first day of school, no mommy there when Sophia is cranky and wants a cuddle and a song, no mom there when Justin gets upset at a friend and really needs to be left alone. How in the world am I going to prepare them when I am so scared of how I am going to cope without them? Who will make me smile when my girls are far away? Who will rub my ankles when they start to ache when my husband is here? Who will I eat dinner with and watch the new fall shows? Who will I crack jokes with when Justin is not in the next room? This just all seems impossible to ask of a mom. I know the strength will return tomorrow, but tonight after a great weekend with my kids and having date nights with Olivia, Justin and Lance I am just very heartbroken. Oh, and to top it off, my blood pressure has resumed it's climb to the top, so tomorrow also starts a new medication. On the plus side, a young man in the mall went up to my son and informed him that Jesus had spoken to him and told him that his mom was going on a trip but that he curses the tumor and all would be ok, he then informed me that I will find healing and recovery. Thank you Lord, and thank you all for your prayers and love.